my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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