thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Randomize
