Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
hell yes lets make some ravioli
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
