how can u be prego again
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize