I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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