I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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