sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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