Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
what is it with giant penises always finding me
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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