I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
The feeling are messing with the penis
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
