I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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