he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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