dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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