Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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