we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
i need some magic done to my vagina
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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