i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
