overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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