i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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