Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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