Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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