i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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