I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
