I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
