I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
