I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
