Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
