She is in my trunk
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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