you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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