JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
