Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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