dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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