his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
