He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Sober January is a disaster.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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