dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
