FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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