you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
