No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
