Don't make out with my wife yet
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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