I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
