Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
