I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
