At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
