his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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