hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
