sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
there is glitter all over my balls
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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