allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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