i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
