I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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