belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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