ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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