Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
