My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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