i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
