Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
