Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
