didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize