dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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