I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
