Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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