barbara walters just said penis...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize