God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize