I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
