His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
