You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
