I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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