he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
