Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Your cock deserves a montage
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
