So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
