So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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