so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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