And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
