just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
