Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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