i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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