How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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