Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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