Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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