Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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