Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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