You're so nebulous sometimes
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
