You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
