stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
