Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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